The Creatures that We Are

Gao Yang, Zhang Wei, Nainai, and Chen Ying buried Sha Ye and Herb Snail in the maple forest in the back of the mansion. Winter saw the fallen leaves forming a decaying blanket on the ground, and the bare branches divided the night sky like grids.

In addition to Sha Ye and Herb Snail, they had lost Lithe Snake, Gray Bear, Little Tian, Chestnut, Empty Life, Shuang Shuang, Buzhou, and Wild Range.

Among them, Lithe Snake, Gray Bear, Little Tian, Empty Life, and Chestnut didn’t even leave a body to be buried, while Shuang Shuang, Buzhou, and Wild Range left only body parts. They had to abandon them in the ruins of the Starcatching Pavilion.

In silence, the four dug into the ground with shovels. Shuang Shuang and Buzhou shared a burial mound. And among the nine burial sites, seven were empty. They didn’t even put up tombstones for fear of drawing attention.

A ray of morning light shone into the forest, unbidden, prickling their eyes.

When Chen Ying sorted out Sha Ye’s body, she had found a box with a cute watch phone inside.There was also a small card. Sha Ye had written it for her daughter.

Chen Ying unfolded it and quietly read it out to Wang Weiyan for Sha Ye.

“Yanyan.”

“I’m happy that you’ve gotten a year older.”

“But don’t blame Dad. Superman has gone off to guard the world.”

“One day, Mom may do the same. Please don’t be sad if the day comes.”

“Become a good adult and love the world, for it is a world Mom and Dad work so hard to protect.”

“Have a happy life in this world. As long as you’re here, Mom and Dad are, too.”

“You may not understand the words now, but it’s okay. Just remember them, Yanyan.”

“In the future, when you’re sleepy, hungry, tired, heartbroken, sad, lonely, or have become a grownup, you’ll remember the words and understand them.”

“Mom will love you always.”

“January first.”

Chen Ying calmly finished the letter. Zhang Wei trembled all over, weighed down by an overwhelming sadness and guilt.

He dropped to his knees and cried out loud, then he started slapping himself hard. “It’s my fault! It’s all my fault… I got Sister Sha killed. I got everyone killed with my overconfidence… If I hadn’t sought them out, they wouldn’t have followed me. They wouldn’t have died…”

Chen Ying was carrying greater guilt than Zhang Wei. She didn’t have the strength to comfort him, and she didn’t think that was what he needed.

Gao Yang, Chen Ying, and Nainai, who was carrying Wang Weiyan, turned to leave, giving Zhang Wei some space. They returned to the mansion. Gao Yang and Nainai had a few words. Nainai nodded and retired to a bedroom with Wang Weiyan. 𐍂ÂNőВЁS̩

Standing in the living room, Chen Ying said to Gao Yang, “I’ve been wondering what went wrong, Gao Yang, about how the hideout was discovered. No matter how I think about it, there’s only one answer, an answer I don’t want to accept. Madam Li used me…”

“Chen Ying,” Gao Yang said calmly. “Go rest. We’ll talk once everyone’s here.”

“I’ll take full responsibility, Gao Yang. You may kill me now…”

“Rest,” Gao Yang repeated.

After a moment, Chen Ying nodded and went upstairs.

Finally, Gao Yang was on his own. He was exhausted to the point that he didn’t even have the strength to mourn, yet he couldn’t fall asleep on a bed.

There was no sofa for him to lie down on in this palace-like living room with extravagant and quaint design. After some hesitation, he walked to a familiar room.

He opened the door. It was a bedroom that made it clear that it belonged to a young girl. The wall was covered with elegant wallpaper with bouquets as patterns, and at the heart of it was a princess bed with a white canopy. Dolls covered the bed. A familiar doll panda rested in the center of a pillow.

Gao Yang went up to the bed. He didn’t sit on it since he was still covered in dirt after burying his companions. He didn’t want to dirty the bedsheet.

Sitting by the bed with his back against the soft mattress, he tipped his head up. Before he closed his eyes, he saw the deep blue ceiling drawn with many stars and a silver moon.

Next to a particularly bright star, someone had written in chicken scrawls, “Fresh Snow Star.”

Another star that was just as bright should’ve been marked with “Gao Yang Star”, but the words were erased, leaving only a patch of black that was darker than the deep blue night sky.

Gao Yang felt a quiet pang in his numb heart.

He was suddenly brought back to the first time he woke up in this room. He had given himself up as food for Fresh Snow to save his sister and his family, only to survive it miraculously.

He had been so relieved to not be dead.

If only I had died then.

No, if only I had died way back, when Mad Red triggered an explosion to kill me.

No, if only I had died even before that, eaten by Li Weiwei.

He squeezed his eyes shut when tears welled up. Just when sorrow and guilt were going to catch him in this moment of weakness, Lithe Snake’s voice rang in his head.

“Fight!”

“Keep fighting!”

“Fight with everything you have!”

This time, he didn’t rely on Psychic Armor to calm his breathing.

Head still tilted, he closed his eyes and loosened the fists that had clenched so hard that the knuckles were all white.

Three seconds later, he tightened his fists again.

…

In the second-floor bathroom, Chen Ying went up to the bathtub and opened the tab.

Spectres didn’t fear the cold, so the water wasn’t heated in the mansion. In the cold winter in January, cold water quickly filled the white bathtub.

With a numb face, Chen Ying kicked her shoes off and removed her socks. Then she stripped down until she was completely naked.

She stepped into the bathtub with a splash.

The piercing cold made her shudder nonstop, but the pain was nothing compared to the hollowness in her chest. In fact, the cold made her feel better.

She lifted her other foot into the bathtub. Then with her arms crossed before her chest, she slowly crouched down to submerge herself fully.

The chill cut every inch of her skin like razors. She kept shaking, and color drained from her face. After some time, she felt like her body was frozen, turning stiff along with her sorrow.

She thought that she had overcome her weakness.

Yet the next second, memories rose in a wild storm in her head.

“You’re not dirty, kid. Not dirty at all. Auntie really likes you. Will you come home with me?”

“Although some lights went out, more fireflies always showed up to light the dangerous path. The puppy walked and walked, walked and walked, and finally, it got home.”

“When you’re sad, take a hot bath and sleep. Then your problems will be gone.”

“Chen Ying, how much are you willing to sacrifice for the goal?”

“Ying Ying, do you still hate me?”

Splash.

Chen Ying fell backward and submerged her head in the cold bath. Tears brimmed in her eyes and broke out. She finally cried out loud, allowing the cold water to enter her lungs and suffocate her.

She was again the little girl with no support, submerged in dark, icy water. The top of the bathtub was like a skylight above her, growing distant as she plunged into the abyss.

This time, however, she had no will to fight for her life. She let herself run out of oxygen, let the cold take over her body, let her consciousness blur in pain.

Then a hand reached in to yank her out of the bathtub.

Chen Ying coughed like she was going to throw up her lungs.

Nainai looked at her with complicated feelings. At some point, she had sat down beside the bathtub.

“Captain guessed that you might do this, so he asked me to keep an eye on you.”

She didn’t make any chuuni remark, and her tone was so normal that it was unnerving. “And he told me to relay a message to you.”

Chen Ying slowly looked up at Nainai.

“Dying will be too easy an end for us, won’t it?”

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